WE CAN COUNT ON STEVE
“Mercury has a deserved reputation for abusing its customers and intentionally violating the law with arrogance and indifference,” the state department wrote in a Feb. 20, 2009, legal filing related to its administrative case.
TEA PARTY SALUTE
Rumors and allegations swarmed out of Nashville Saturday night amid speculation that a lynching, or “political sacrifice” had been performed as part of the inaugural Tea Party Convention.
Several convention attendees who admitted they were racists spoke to the press early Sunday morning and denied that any political sacrifices had been performed as part of the convention’s official schedule.
But they could not confirm that none had occurred unofficially.
“This is more of an organizational effort for the party to gather steam and raise funds for specific directives and united electioneering,” one tea party member said.
An anonymous source claimed to have seen 2 vans pull up to the tea party hotel entry, with passengers emerging in Ku Klux Klan white sheet garb and descending on the convention at about 8:30 PM, prompting suspicions of the lynching.
Other reports from neighbors a few miles from the hotel detailed a 25-foot high cross burning in a field at about the same time.
No Klan members were available for comment and the hotel cited guest privacy matters when probed for details on any rooms obtained by Ku Klux Klan representatives.
Sarah Palin addressed the tea party as the keynote speaker Saturday night.
TEA PARTIERS UNITE
Before Copenhagen got underway, the infamous email leaks surfaced in the press, showing climate scientists tweaking, hiding, distorting, and omitting damning evidence proving pollution is, in fact, good and we need to keep doing it.
Now the naysayers have been hitting the science books on overtime, and have recruited the best and brightest from around the globe, including high-level tea-party minds. And what they have discovered is damning indeed.
“The simple fact – which all these climate change doomsayers don’t want you to believe – is that without man-made pollution, we all would have been dead long ago. That’s what real science proves,” says tea-party scientist Edward Freebock.
“Once we sorted through all the smokescreens the climate change modelers have been hoaxing everyone with, what was left was the nitty gritty. These people don’t even know that we wouldn’t even have sunsets without pollution. To say that pollution is killing us is, well, just wrong and irresponsible,” says Ellen Lund of ClimaGroup, a Shell subsidiary.
Asked if she was also a climatoligist, she replied, “I work with scientists.”
“Cars and gas and oil companies are our friends, not enemies. All this bogus evidence against them is just a huge step in the wrong direction. This world needs to get behind pollution in a hurry in order to get back on track. I’m just so scared for the future and what might happen if we reduce pollution.”
Dr. John Hodges, a tea-partier from Tennessee, added, “The big hoax has been exposed. It’s all over. They want to tell you that carbon is bad so they can twirl their windmills and bolt a bunch of useless mirrors all over our roofs! It’s sad really. It’s nothing more than another hula-hoop or a pet rock. But we think all this hooey is about passed and there is no real threat to our cars and oil and power. There never really was, it’s just a bunch of hype.”
“Sustainable? Just what the hell is that supposed to mean? Have any of these ’scientists’ ever been to the gas station? That’s what we mean when we say ’sustainable,’!” yelled a supporter while slapping high-five with a buddy.
“Yeah,” said the buddy, “All you have to do is pull the trigger. I don’t know what you’re supposed to know to be a scientist, but these guys are pretty dumb if you ask me.”
The National Tea Party convention is underway in Nashville. Be there, I guess.
ONE AFTER ANOTHER
“You know, a player, a former player, Dave Meggyesy, once said to me that when you sign an NFL contract, you sign away your right to have a middle age. And it is true. You meet players who are in their mid-thirties, and they speak openly about the fact that when
NOT GOOD
they’re in their mid-forties they might not be able to communicate with their wife and kids the way they once could. I’m thinking of Andre Waters, who was a star safety for the Philadelphia Eagles, who committed suicide at age forty-five, and when they did an autopsy, he had the brain tissue of an eighty-eight-year-old with Alzheimer’s. This is very real. And the NFL has tried to sweep it under the carpet for decades.” -Dave Zirin
Try telling that to the hundreds of millions of heads that will watch the Super Bowl on Sunday.
Who cares about facts when you know everything already and it’s the Super Bowl, aka Genius Day?
CAN'T GET ANY SMARTER
A new study at MIT confirms that just as always supposed, Americans in fact do know more than anybody else, and for all practical purposes, Americans basically know all there is to know, or all that is worth knowing, as it were.
Street interviews were conducted in several cities as a follow up to the study.
In Kentucky coal country, a man was asked what he thought of the results as he hoisted himself into his monster truck about 4 feet off the ground in front of a convenience store.
“Shit, tell me somethin’ I don’t know already!” he spat through a spray of black chewing tobacco and saliva, and maybe even a little coal, too.
“We don’t stray too far from the fambly lookin for wives and keep the younguns at their chores and outta them schoolhouses, that’s why too!”
Then he peeled out.
And in Idaho, a 28-year old mother of seven asserts, “Well, you don’t see none of us wearin’ no turbans on our heads, do ya?”
A companion study also confirmed that each American is a superior driver than his/her peers.
“That’s obvious,” said one fellow in California.
“That explains why all these idiots are always trying to get in my lane!”
These and other studies are part of a nationwide effort to determine how and why Americans are so good.
“Goddamnit, we just are, that’s why,” shrieked another mother loading up at Wal-Mart.
“We don’t need to tell nobody why!”
If you can’t discern any difference between these images that is because there is no difference.
PRESIDENT
MARIONETTE
Either way the customers are getting screwed. Meanwhile PG&E battles Marin County over how many customers each gets to rip off.
WHATEVER YOU SAY PAL
This is really the type of news that need not be presented. It’s no different than two heroin dealers fighting over neighborhood turf. In this case PG&E is the power supplier and the county is their biggest customer. So the county finally says, why should PG&E make all this money off our customers? Let’s cut out the middleman.
The deal reeks of crooks on both sides, corruption and collusion and nothing else. There isn’t an honest or good-intentioned word in the multi-year legal charade carried on by these cry-sack villains seeking to extort more and faster from the taxpayers.
PG&E is headquartered in SF – where endless power shakedowns thrive from administration to administration – and dominates the Nor Cal power delivery scene. Its influence and lobbys are ubiquitous in Sacto and its collusion with Enron in the infamous power scam that bilked California citizens out of billions of dollars is well documented. PG&E was in on price fixing with Enron and shared in the spoils as it bought power from Enron at phony prices and sold it to California citizens at phony prices. Additionally PG&E worked with Enron in fabricating the power ’shortage’ that is the famous smoking gun in all commodity taxpayer scams.
In any just court PG&E would have dissolved along with Enron, but the utility more or less owns the state and it sure as hell owns San Francisco, where the proceedings were held. If it sounds like an insinuation that the deal was rigged, it’s not – it’s just an outright fact.
More recently PG&E installed ‘rip-off meters’ aka ’smart meters’ in Bakersfield. Among the many foul cries this maneuver prompted was the home whose owner was on a two month vacation during the time of the meter switch. Everything in the home was shut down. When he returned his bill was 4 times the amount it was previously. Same with hundreds of other victims of this bullshit scam.
PG&E installs and maintains their own meters. It reads the meters and makes up profitable data results that produce mega profits. The amount of energy used by PG&E’s victims has absolutely zero to do with the amount of money charged to these victims. The billing software simply calculates the profit margin and then spits out a correlating energy usage. This is what constitutes a failsafe business plan that attracts shareholders from galaxies far away.
As for the municipalities and other taxpayer-funded extortion agencies, the deal has been that PG&E basically gives these rigged JPA’s (Joint Power Authorities) free power to run all their muni facilities, like government offices and cop shops, firehouses, admins and jails, etc.
In exchange for this free power the cities and JPA’s turn a blind eye and allow PG&E to rape and pillage the victims – cutomers – with whatever unregulated scam and increased charges at any time it feels like. When customers cry foul, the cities or JPA’s will certainly “look into it.” But this is all for show because they can’t afford to fuck up the sweetheart free power deal PG&E has them on the hook for – just like crack and smack dealers.
So there’s the deal and it is the real deal, that is assured. So then, what’s the problem? Well, there wouldn’t be one except for somebody always has to get greedy. And that’s what all this power play bullshit is about – cutting out the middleman and taking over drug (power) turf and increasing market share and profits. Business.
The whole business is despicable and given the public nature of it all, downright criminal.
Rest assured though, that all empires must fall. And PG&E and JPA’s will not be the exception.
Lloyd “God’s Work” Blankfein, the head honcho at Goldman Sachs, is expressing contrition over alleged sketchy financial operations.
MAN IS A GIVER
Lloyd has indicated – incredibly – that he is willing to personally pay the budget deficits of the US and other countries pending a private audit of the debts.
Mr. Blankfein acknowledged that this bill could realistically end up dinging him for “a few trillion” or more. The 55-year old Chairman and CEO shrugged off the figure, saying “While it’s not insignificant, I have done pretty well here and pride myself in diversification.”
The Fed, US citizens and sovereign nations alike thank Mr Blankfein for his generosity.
As humanitarian aid struggles to find a way to Haitian victims, Steve Jobs announced that a boatload of iGadgets will get through this week.
NO YOU CAN'T EAT THESE
“These people need a distraction to get their minds off death, pain, hunger and thirst. The iGadgets can do this, complete with apps designed to help them sew and assemble in spite of this production crisis,” an Apple international liasson said in a prepared release.
The iGadget vessel will receive a berth in the decimated port of Jacmel well ahead of other humanitarian cargo offshore – a testament to the corporate power of Apple.
“This is a great day for Haiti, an ‘iDay,’ if you will!” the statement said. Also included in the shipment are millions of 2-year contracts printed in both Haitian Creole and French.
“This shows the heightened sensitivity this corporation has for these people, and the commitment of Apple in reaching out to all corners of the Earth with iGadgets.”
More from the ground as the iGadgets reach the shore.
The SF Chronicle is reporting that one of the suspects detained in the BART New Years killing – wherein cop Johannes Mehserle shot unarmed Oscar Grant in the back -said on tape later that very night that Mehserle warned grant he was going to tase him.
FREE AS A BIRD
Okay let’s let this soak in. This is what passes for justice in the USA, along with raping female colleagues in taxpayer-funded security companies.
Here we are 13 months after the killing and the judges have placed gag orders on the pending case, which has been moved to LA. Mums been the word on this and Mehserle is free as a jaybird on bail.
So the first piece of garbage to come out of the press is a leak dating back to the very night of the shooting, and perfectly supporting the one and only weak-ass card the defense has to play – that the shooting was an accident because Mehserle wanted to tase him.
It is apparently OK to accidentally shoot someone lying face down unarmed, as long as it is an accident and the guy who gets shot is black, and the shooter is a white cop. Makes perfect sense, given the legality of rape now in this country.
Gee, we wonder if that statement was coerced. It was allegedly only given mere hours after the kid’s friend was blown away while lying face down unarmed, inches from the kid’s face.
We wonder if Michael Rains, ex-cop and steroid attorney, happened to be called in that night to set up his bullshit case and subvert justice while fostering systemic racism in the judicial system.
These are the questions that don’t get asked in the SF Chronicle, but planted racist propaganda is exactly what does get printed in the SF Chronicle.
Given the history of racial injustice in the courtrooms and streets of this country, it is doubtful many believe Mehserle won’t walk. After all he is a white cop and the victim is a black perp.
But the use of the press to administer bullshit propaganda and perpetuate systemic racism is an insult to decades of human rights activism in this country. The ruse of a trial serves to trick the people into a false perception of justice being served.
Why doesn’t the Sf Chronicle just print the facts: Unarmed black kid shot in the back, white cop goes free. Justice in the USA. Period.
Bullshit.
