By j doe | September 30, 2009 - 3:38 am - Posted in news commentary

ASSUME

 

govntAccount

 

NO           LIABILITY

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By j doe | - 1:21 am - Posted in news commentary

A posh crib in racially non-integrated Pebble Beach got a little lighter last Friday when some heavy-duty pieces allegedly got jacked.

If you happen to find any of these at a garage sale grab ‘em, there is a reward.

  •     G.H. Rothe (3 pieces)
  •     Jackson Pollock (1 piece)
  •     Matisse ( 1 piece)
  •     Miro (4 pieces)
  •     Rembrandt (2 pieces)
  •     Renoir (1 piece)
  •     Van Gogh ( 1piece)

If anyone has any information about the theft, which may lead to the recovery of all the artwork, they can contact the Monterey County Sheriff’s Department or the Law Office of Vicki St. John at 831-250-7232.

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By j doe | September 28, 2009 - 5:57 pm - Posted in news commentary

President Obama announced that meeting with crooked IOC members,  in an effort to lay out the bribe structure for the 2016 fraudulent Olympics, was his top priority.  

This item managed to eclipse the importance of dealing with the deaths and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan,  and mass domestic homelessness and unemployment.

This patriotic pursuit follows another heroic accomplishment by the President:   His current appearance on the cover of Men’s Health magazine.

Those who have lost loved ones at war,  and are without a home, job, or health insurance here in the US,  can rest assured that Obama is their savior.  As soon as the magazine photo shoots and IOC bribe luncheon commitments have been met, those pesky aforementioned tasks will be faithfully addressed.

Thank you, Mr. President.

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By j doe | September 26, 2009 - 12:22 am - Posted in news commentary
 PUPPET IN OFFICE
PUPPET IN OFFICE

Amidst a deluge of questions about why he never does anything he says, Barack Obama conceded earlier this week that, “I kind of had to go with the flow once they put the strings on, otherwise it hurts to move.”

Obama said the puppet strings were permanent and “standard marionette issue,” and he was getting used to them.  “The puppeteers here are taking pretty good care of me.”

We wouldn’t have it any other way,  Mr. President.

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By j doe | September 25, 2009 - 7:41 pm - Posted in unreal news

Bettors can take their pick in a triple-threat offering even odds for a NUCLEAR BLAST vs. REAL ESTATE REBOUND vs. FINDING LIFE ON ANOTHER PLANET.  Bettors can opt to collect on New Years 2010 or 2011.

“We’re seeing marginal activity on this play right now, but expect some volume as the year end approaches,” reports Uore Skreud at MGM Enterprises.

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By j doe | - 3:29 am - Posted in dipshit award
Hot energy lobby co-ed dream date Mike Duvall takes the dipshit award home for unwittingly providing verification replete with audio and visual.                                                  
        
DIPSHIT AWARD
DIPSHIT AWARD

dunce-cap-for-california-voters

                 NICE JOB MIKE!

By j doe | September 24, 2009 - 12:06 am - Posted in news commentary, op/ed

Distraught readers everywhere are lamenting the imminent demise of the major newspapers. What a sob story. Didn’t the media giants first create a crappy product that nobody wants, and then watch profits tumble?  What they sell is primarily garbage, and most people know that. It’s no wonder they don’t sell. We don’t want to read, or buy, garbage. It’s as simple as that.

Take the coverage of the President’s family and their puppy. Very cute, but in these gnarly times how does this rate as a high-priority news item?  Front page, where else. Could it be that this was planted to induce sympathy among readership?  Duh. Whether people like or dislike the President, his family or his politics, it definitely shouldn’t be based on how cute the puppy is. Puppies don’t have shit to do with the massive responsibilities shouldered by the President of the United States. So, with all do respect, fuck the puppy and give us some real news. That may sound harsh but shows how much influence that puppy has.

How about some in depth coverage of the President and #2 hanging out on the putting green?  That’s the type of hardcore news a nation in turmoil deserves. But instead of news, we are administered advertisements that are planted by lobbies to create distractions and deceive most readers who interpret them as real news. After all, this stuff shows up on TV and in ‘news’ papers. The problem is, the ads are placed to make people think a certain way, but are presented as factual events in a news forum, so people take it like news and believe it.

We don’t necessarily believe most of the ads we see, but we do believe most of ‘news’ we see, because it’s the news, right?   Wrong. Most of the news in major papers and TV is nothing more than a scripted agenda unfolded one story at a time. Lobbies have agendas and they are staked by those they represent, and pay media corps big bucks on a regular basis to push their agendas. If media can sway public opinion, than public opinion is exactly what’s for sale by the media. It’s no different than pushing a bill into law- lobbies have to lobby. But it’s insulting to readers, because what it amounts to for us is fake news.

Fake news is a lot less interesting than real news, and people don’t need that shit. We need to get people in this country together on a positive track, not spread around bullshit, lies, and distractions. Right now mainstream media corps and their products suck badly, and it’s obvious.

One should not weep, nor miss very much news, when the fabled old media guard staggers and falls. On the contrary, we will be celebrating.

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