The infamous climate summit in Copenhagen kicked off with dozens of sparsely-filled government jets descending upon the asphalt tarmac.

CHILL FOR CHRISTMAS
Officials hurried off their planes complaining of ‘bad timing.’ While most said they ‘wanted to address this climate deal,’ many wondered aloud why it had to be scheduled so close to Christmas.
“I know that the sky is supposedly falling and Chicken Little and everything, but my kids are going to be extra cranky if we don’t do the ski trip and handle this Christmas ornament crisis in Aspen!” one US diplomat said jokingly.
Others maintained a more somber mood and were less than pleased with the conflict.
“I have been asking my aides how it is that I am supposed to just push all my Christmas obligations to the back burner – we’re talking about all the gifts for the kids and the Ice Follies and all that - and we haven’t even discussed the in-laws yet!” said one US rep. Some members of the local press mistakenly took this remark for a joke and chuckled as they jotted their notes. “You think this is funny?” he shot back. ”You don’t know my in-laws! They aren’t going to accept the global warming excuse!”
Other diplomats agreed that using the “global warming excuse” for missing holiday engagements wasn’t cutting the mustard on the home front. As one aide put it, “The last thing that’s going to work on these government kids and families is some cock-a-mamie excuse about solving the global warming crisis, or making ‘deals’ with other countries. You’ve got to remember, these kids have been listening to bullshit and lies from their parents since they got daylighted. To them it’s just another crooked business trip that leaves them with a bag of empty promises. Government kids are actually very sharp – they aren’t going to buy into all the hype and bullshit. You’ve got to show them the money or they’ll just wave you off like all the rest.”
Christmas has long been considered the time of year for officials to play hooky, call in industry favors, and shower lavish gifts and exotic surprise trips on their families.
“Copenhagen threw a monkey wrench in my month – bigtime. We always spend this month in the tropics and now I’m way the hell up almost to the 60th parallel! It’s crazy, I don’t know what the nonsense is about. Nothing can be accomplished using far less energy!” noted one climatologist, in Copenhagen on retainer to refute the findings of his and other studies.
This entry was posted on Monday, December 7th, 2009 at 7:32 pm and is filed under news commentary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

