By j doe | February 6, 2010 - 8:11 pm - Posted in news commentary

TEA PARTIERS UNITE

TEA PARTIERS UNITE

Before Copenhagen got underway, the infamous email leaks surfaced in the press, showing climate scientists tweaking, hiding, distorting, and omitting damning evidence proving pollution is, in fact, good and we need to keep doing it.

Now the naysayers have been hitting the science books on overtime, and have recruited the best and brightest from around the globe, including high-level tea-party minds. And what they have discovered is damning indeed.

“The simple fact – which all these climate change doomsayers don’t want you to believe – is that without man-made pollution, we all would have been dead long ago. That’s what real science proves,” says tea-party scientist Edward Freebock.

“Once we sorted through all the smokescreens the climate change modelers have been hoaxing everyone with, what was left was the nitty gritty. These people don’t even know that we wouldn’t even have sunsets without pollution. To say that pollution is killing us is, well, just wrong and irresponsible,” says Ellen Lund  of ClimaGroup, a Shell subsidiary.

Asked if she was also a climatoligist, she replied, “I work with scientists.”

“Cars and gas and oil companies are our friends, not enemies. All this bogus evidence against them is just a huge step in the wrong direction. This world needs to get behind pollution in a hurry in order to get back on track. I’m just so scared for the future and what might happen if we reduce pollution.”

Dr. John Hodges, a tea-partier from Tennessee, added, “The big hoax has been exposed. It’s all over. They want to tell you that carbon is bad so they can twirl their windmills and bolt a bunch of useless mirrors all over our roofs! It’s sad really. It’s nothing more than another hula-hoop or a pet rock. But we think all this hooey is about passed and there is no real threat to our cars and oil and power. There never really was, it’s just a bunch of hype.”

“Sustainable? Just what the hell is that supposed to mean? Have any of these ’scientists’ ever been to the gas station? That’s what we mean when we say ’sustainable,’!” yelled a supporter while slapping high-five with a buddy.

“Yeah,” said the buddy, “All you  have to do is pull the trigger. I don’t know what you’re supposed to know to be a scientist, but these guys are pretty dumb if you ask me.”

The National Tea Party convention is underway in Nashville. Be there, I guess.

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